Ghana

There is just far too much to share about regarding our trip to Ghana. I couldn't possibly record it all in one entry. I'm still processing the trip, anyway, and trying to put some disappointments in context.

We had a plan to take a trip to SOMEWHERE once I'd be done with active cancer treatment. But, three days prior to the last radiation appointment, we received the sad news that Stephen's dad had passed away.

Naturally, Papa's funeral took precedence over a frivilous trip to some place like Disney or another location here on the east coast. I'll admit, I was a bit disappointed that we couldn't do something totally fun and celebrate the end of a very long year and a "second chance" at life. I'd so looked forward to it for months. It was one of my motivating factors in fighting cancer.

Fast forward to February. Realizing that airfare to Ghana was incredibly expensive, we knew that only Stephen would be able to go home for his dad's funeral. And, we had to work through his grief and his desire for the kids and I to NOT be there for that difficult time. (After going to the village where the funeral was held, I soooo totally understood why he felt it'd be best for us to not attend the funeral--which was several days in length. More on that later.)

By the time Stephen was able to purchase his airfare, we'd made a decision that the kids and I would go over to Ghana two weeks after Stephen, just a few days after the funeral. We'd spend two weeks there with family--- connecting the kids and his relatives and culture. I so wanted the children to meet their grandmother, because we'd already missed out on introducing them to Grandpa. I'd never met my dad's parents and had always felt a hole in my heart. I didn't want the kids to experience that, and I had feared we'd lose one or both of Stephen's parents before the kids could meet them.

Anyway, once we made the decision and put those tickets on the credit card (JUST AFTER having paid off credit card debt and not wanting more), we started to actively plan and prepare for the trip. We put a LOT of time and effort into preparing. It was WORK!

Well, Stephen's time was up--- he'd fly to Ghana on March 28th. The kids and I took him to Portland, said "good-bye" and headed for home. I spent the next two weeks rarely ever sitting down due to being so incredibly busy on my own with the kids and responsibilities. Stephen was super busy preparing for his dad's funeral. Let me pause and share that a Ghanaian funeral is NOTHING like a short, quick U.S. one. Check it out on the internet--- it is an all out social celebration that involves MUCH planning. It's a HUGE tribute to the loved one who's passed.

Stephen's siblings all came together from different parts of the world to help with the funeral and to say a painful g00d-bye to Papa. I've seen the video of the funeral and it's something else--- full of love, grief, and wonderful tributes to Papa. Hundreds of people gathered to pay their respects.

Another fast-forward--- April 12th was the day the kids and I'd travel to Ghana. The night before, my son and his wife (and baby) came to help me prepare for the trip. Kanaho did my nails and helped by bathing the kids. Tyler kept us company and we had a really good time. Kanaho and I loaded up the car and chose jewelry for travel day. :) FINALLY, after a couple of months of preparing, we were going to go!

We got off the next day at the right time, arrived in Portland a few hours before the flight, and visited with our friends there. The couple took us to the airport at about 4 PM. They were a huge help to me with the kids and with checking the luggage through. Tyler's family came to the airport to surprise us and to say "good-bye". :)

We said our good-byes and went through security... went to the bathroom, bought milk and water, and went to our gate. How EXCITED we all were--- Kathryn couldn't wait to see her daddy (she'd missed him terribly), the boys couldn't wait to see Ghana, and I couldn't wait for both!

When we arrived at the gate, there was a long line at the desk and people sitting everywhere. No chairs were available. This seemed strange to me. I thought "Hmmm. Maybe I'd better get in line to see what's going on." So, the kids and I lined up and a girl behind us said the flight was being delayed due to mechanical failure in a different state---and she said we'd probably miss our connecting flight to Ghana. My heart sank. WHAT would we do?

After several chats with STephen and waiting in line for a long time we received the bad news that we'd not get out to Washington til about 8:30 PM ... and our flight to Ghana would leave there at 10:44 PM. The man at the desk said we'd not make it. He had us sit down for a bit while he worked out what he could for us. The best he could come up with was that we'd fly to DC and TRY to catch our plane. If we didn't make it, we'd be rerouted to NYC the next morning and spend NINE HOURS in that airport before flying out in the late aftenroon with another airline.

Well, we took the flight to DC and I vomitted like crazy. It was all I could do to take care of the kids. When we landed in DC , I was sick, weak and dehydrated, yet we had to "hoof it" to get to our next flight. We had LITTLE TIME before take off--- 30 minutes. Teh flight attendant requested help for me and the kids.

A man met us at the door and took us inside the airport--- then, turned us over to a man whom I believe is a native of somewhere in Africa. That man, Matthias, met us with a wheelchair and piled our carry-on's on it. He disappeared into a doorway and came back about three minutes later. I was going crazy worrying about losing even a second, let alone minutes. He came out and we RAN through the airport, because the TRAIN WAS DOWN. Oh, could this possibly get worse?! It was 10:15 at night and we were RUNNING through this airport with little kids and a bunch of bags. It felt like we ran for eternity. We went through four elevators, two people mover walkways, and on a bus type thing... at times I couldn't even catch my breath and felt parched. So dehydrated! We FINALLY reached the gate and were met by a man with a cold affect. He told me "It's gone. Customer courtesy care at gate such and such will help you." I asked him to PLEASE have mercy --- I'm traveling with three children and I've been so sick. I could see the plane was still AT THE GATE. He very coldly said "I can call a parimedic for you." I told him to please not be sarcastic and to show a bit of kindness. He was very condescending and said "I offered to get a paramedic for you." I don't even want to continue to write about this--- he was just so unfeeling and UNhelpful.

We went to the desk for help. Another passenger who'd been stranded advocated for me -- she requested I be put in teh same hotel so she could help me with my kids. The workers at the desk didn't want to help me, as they wanted to close the desk so the next incoming flight wouldn't "stick them" there longer than they wanted to be there. They wanted me to go to ANOTHER terminal with my kids to get help there. This was LATE at night. We were exhausted. We were hungry. I'd only had a sandwich at 1 PM and the kids ate Happy Meals at 3 PM. :-( The other traveler fed my kids little crackers or whatever she had in her bag. A NICE lady with twins at home offered to stay late and HELP US get arrangements. She had empathy. Her co-workers argued with her in front of me, not wanting her to help me. I couldn't believe it. I looked one lady in the eyes and told her to HAVE MERCY, and that if she'd stop talking to the lady who was helping me then she could finish sooner and they could all get out of there. The "nice lady" helped me and I thanked her profusely. Off to baggage claim we went, with the other traveler, to try and claim ALL EIGHT HEAVY CHECKED BAGS AND OUR CARSEAT (which were supposed to be on their way to Ghana with us at that time). I was sooooooo discouraged.

You know that really overtired feeling--- sick and washed out? Well, that's how I felt as we went to the baggage claim office to request that my bags be sent out onto the belt for pick-up. The other traveler once again advocated for me and made the request. The workers said it could take up to an HOUR to get the bags. It was alreadry about midnight. My helper said that she was very sorry, but she didn't know that she could stay that late to help me, as she would have an early morning flight. I was disheartened as I didn't know how in the world I could manage three kids, a stroller, a car seat, several carry-on's, my purse, the diaper bag AND eight checked bags (all close to 50 pounds) without help. Yet, I totally understood and appreciated all of the kindness she'd bestowed upon us. I still consider her one of the "angels" that helped us manage during a very difficult time.

I'd not brought warm outerwear for any of us, because we were going to hot, sunny Ghana. I'd not expected a delay in chilly DC. So, we got a porter and went outside to meet the airport shuttle--- and it was COLD. The kind lady let the boys wrap up in her heavy coat for a bit, and when they were warm, she gave it to me to use. She insisted I get into the van with the kids and she helped the driver load all of our bags into the van. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for her help. I was so exhausted and I didn't have any steam left.

We got to the hotel at 1:30 AM. She and I checked in. I thanked her again, wished her the same type of help she'd given me, and we said our good-bye. She gave me four $2.00 bills to use in the morning for porter tips.

The kids and I had to sit in the lobby for what seemed like forever while our driver had to settle an issue involving a loud truck parked under some hotel room windows. I wondered why that was more important than helping a lady with three exhausted kids to their room. Ha! Finally, he came back and helped us get our heavy load sorted out. Some went into a meeting room for storage and what we really needed went up to the room.

Meanwhile, I'd asked Stephen to call his family's friend in DC to see if he could help in any way. He was calling me, but I was too exhausted to talk. I put the kids to bed and they were asleep within minutes. I finally laid down at 2 AM, after trying to get everything ready for our 4 AM wake-up and rush to the airport to be there by 5 AM to catch our flight at 7 AM. We'd have to check all of our bags through AGAIN.

By 2:30 AM I couldn't sleep and was so stressed and sick that I texted Stephen in Ghana to call me. I told him that there was no way I could get up in a couple of hours and check those heavy bags in, and then spend nine hours in New York with the kids. I asked if he'd mind if I called United to request the next flight out to Ghana two nights later. It was disappointing for all of us, but I just could NOT continue at that time.

I couldn't get the toll free number for United to work from the hotel phone. I called the front desk about 4-5 times and no success. The desk guy told me to come and use his cell phone. I told him I couldn't leave my three kids sleeping alone to do that. Frustrated, I made yet another ROAM CHARGE call from my cell phone and was on the phone for 22 minutes with United. The lady graciously changed our flight to the Thursday night one--- April 14.

I rested some more and before I knew it, it was time for the kids to wake up and eat. I was way too tired to take them to the continental breakfast, but we had not had meals of any sort since the afternoon before. I bathed, dressed and took them downstairs in PJ's. A NICE mom of twins (another "angel") offered to help me fill a server's tray with food and drinks, and then carry it to our room for us. Oh, how thankful I was to have her help. God kept bringing these helpers along--- I pray He blesses them all for their help!

I couldn't eat. I hadn't been able to eat much due to the stress of managing alone for the past two weeks, as well as the stress of the delay. The kids ate and it was good to know they had had healthy food.

We didn't know where we'd stay for the coming night and check-out time was at noon. Stephen's brother had told him that the airline should put us up again and pay for meals. I mentioned to teh front desk worker that we'd like to stay another night if the airline would cover it. (They'd have to... $399 per night in DC!) She called them and they told her I'd have to come to the airport to talk to them. Yeah, right--- with the kids and all the bags? And, with a shuttle?

Meanwhile, Stephen's family's friend tried his best to come and get us. He finally showed up at 1:30 PM to take us to his home in Alexandra, VA. The guy had to leave work to get us and drive us 45 min. IN HIS WORK DELIVERY TRUCK to his home. It was so nice of him to do that. The boys had to ride ON THE FLOOR in front of my feet and the baby's carseat was between the guy and myself. It was an interesting ride--- with a stranger--- to an unfamiliar place. My husband assured me the man was a good person, a fellow Ghanaian and friend of the family.

He dropped us off at his tall brick home, and he put our heavy bags in his garage. He showed us the playroom and our bedroom, and off to work he went. A lady was in the kitchen. Was she his wife? Sister? She didn't speak much English. I had no idea who anyone was. The kids made themselves right at home and enjoyed the play room. We were all sooooo soooo hungry. I dug in my luggage to look through the American food I'd packed to cook in Ghana for my kids. I found spaghetti. I cooked that --- and we ate it plain. No butter. No sauce. No meat. I could hardly eat due to the stress, but the kids ate.

We spent the day there--- and I was in frequent phone contact with my mother and husband. And, texts with my sister. Everyone was worried.

By 8 PM I was so tired and wanted to just take the kids to bed. Our host had gone out for tacos, milk and OJ for us but it'd been a couple of hours and I just couldn't wait any longer. Just as we were heading to bed, a flurry of activity and noise came into the house. The man's wife (I didn't know who she was at the time) had come home with their two and four year old daughters. Their oldest daughter had more energy than any other kid I'd ever met. My kids gravitated toward her like magnets! I thought "Oh now, we'll never get to bed now." Ha! Their mom was so kind--- she cooked rice, fried plantain and little sausages and shared with us. Oh, how good it was to have HOT FOOD. I'm grateful, still. :0) My kids ate and ate, and it did my heart good to see them eat.

Off to bed we went, with food in bellies and a night-time sleep aid in me. (I HAD TO SLEEP!) We piled into one big bed with one pillow and I was glad we'd brought along the kids' pillow pets! :) We slept very well, thank the Lord!

Morning came and the day ahead seemed long, but the time went pretty quickly. The wife was home with us and I was happy to have her company. She helped us wash laundry (I couldn't figure out how to use her fancy front load machines! ha!) She gave me things to take to her mom and sister in Ghana for her. I was glad to help, because she'd welcomed strangers (us) into her home when she was tired and pregnant. I know it wasn't easy for her to entertain people at a moment's notice like that. I hope she knows how grateful Stephen and I are to her and her husband. The boys did school work and played, and Kathryn ran around the large home. Before we knew it, our host was home from work and ready to take us to the airport again. FINALLY, we'd fly to Ghana and be with Daddy--- I so wanted to see my husband.

Our host helped us check our bags. I have to add a lil' bit of a racism experience at this point. In Maine, it doesn't happen much to Caucasians, but when it happened to me in DC--- I empathized with my husband for his "standing out" in our area on a daily basis. When I climbed out of our host's white SUV and went around to close the door my kids had left open on the other side, an 20'something African American man who was mouthing off and trying to impress a young woman he was talking to said, loudly, "Now, THERE is a lady. Even her car is white." I ignored him, as I knew he was showing off for the girl. Besides, I was on my way to Ghana... finally, and that's all I cared about at that moment! Ha!

When arriving at the check-in counter---much to my surprise--- MATTHIAS appeared. He's the older gentleman who stayed after work for an hour that night we missed our flight to help us. How nice it was to see him, "Angel #1". :) He came over and said "hello".

Once the bags were checked, our host walked us as far as he could, and then he couldn't continue into the security area. I thanked him again, shook his hand, and we said "good-bye".

Getting to our gate was a process, but things went off without a problem. The bus (it's some sort of an inter-airport shuttle thing) driver recognized us from the other day and gave us a cheery "hello". He pointed us in the direction of a gift shop and a Wendy's and off we went to buy Dramamine (which did the trick next flight) and supper. The kids happily ate their fast food and I tried to eat a few bites of a potato. Still too stressed to eat much...

How NICE it was to find the gate area filled with mostly Ghanaians--- who are some of the most hospitable, respectful people in the world. We were met with smiles and small talk, and I felt comfortable and that we were somewhere "familiar" with more people from my husband's culture.

It didn't take long before the boarding call occured. I didn't realize that people were assigned seating groups, so I jumped right up and was first in line with my kids. The gate worker very rudely asked me what my seat assignment is. I looked at the ticket and gave her my seat number. That was NOT what she was asking for and she made no effort to be kind about the misunderstanding. Once a Ghanaian man in line behind me pointed out that we were in seating priority number four and I told the worker that, she VERY unkindly told me I was blocking the way and to move. I couldn't. People were surrounding us on every side, and I had no where to go with my stoller, three kids and carry-on bags. We stood there while others around us commented on how rude the worker was to me.

Eventually, we boarded the plane and I texted my husband, sister, daughter, son and daughter-in-law that we were ON THE PLANE. They were all so glad and relieved. Off we went---- and the kids slept wonderfully all night long. My kids were SO GOOD and adapted to every single change with ease. I'm thankful for that.

Oh, what a time we'd had! And, after investing so much in this trip---- and having such high hopes for our time in Ghana--- it was extremely disappointed to endure these hardships, including losing two precious days of our short time with family in Ghana. I have to admit, two weeks later, I am still deeply disappointed and I still feel cheated. It's taking a long time for me to process everything. I want to find all of the successess and the blessings--- as I'm sure there are many. That's partly why I'm writing to share this account.

It's too much to write about in one day, but overall, things went well in Ghana. We had some hardships like no running water for our entire stay (the well had run dry, had to be dug deeper, and worked just after we left), catching APOLLO (conjunctivitis of some sort), not being able to catch up on my rest, and enduring the heat (90's) and humidity.

The children LOVED their time in Ghana and were so happy to play with cousins. They enjoyed chasing goats and chickens. :) They played outside in the warm rain. They went to the zoo and ate delicious pizza several times. They experienced children's church in another culture and language. They really, really had a blast, and they still talk about it.

Stephen's sister was so good to us--- she installed an air conditioner in our bedroom. How can I thank her enough for that generosity? It made things so much more comfortable. Even my Ghanaian born and raised husband was finding it hard to tolerate the heat.

Oh, Grandma LOVED her time with the kids. She bathed them, doctored Sammy's hurt knee, went shopping for sandals ("slippers" as Ghanaians call them) for the kids.... she couldn't speak the same language but so enjoyed trying to communicate with them. She'd talk to them in TWI, my husband's first language, and they didn't know what she was saying--- but it was so sweet to see the interaction between them and their dear grandmother.

I love my mother-in-law so much. She's a very kind, good Christian woman. We exchanged many hugs during my stay, and it meant the world to me to be met with open arms. I teased my husband that his mom is also a hugger. She and I are alike in many ways and it's funny. But, best of all, we both love Stephen! :0) We are hoping that she can come and visit us soon. It'd take some good planning and prayer, as it's difficult for Ghanaians to get a tourist visa to the U.S. I'd be honored to host my mother-in-law in my home and look forward to all of the little things we can do for her while she's here.

It was nice to see my husband reunited with all of his siblings for the first time in many years. They're great people---each and every one of them. I really enjoyed meeting the ones I'd not met before, and seeing again the ones I had. The kids had so many aunties around that they didn't know who was who. :0)

It was also wonderful to meet the nieces and nephews who'd been born since my last trip to Ghana--- eight years ago. I may be biased, but I think they're all super special kids. :) I miss them!! And, it was meaningful to see old friends again.

While there, we were able to view my husband's land. Someday, we hope to build a family home there for our visits to Ghana, and for my mother-in-law if she'd like to live there.

One of the things during our trip that impacted me the most, and still does, was the visit to my father-in-law's and mother-in-law's home village, Mamaso. The way that I can explain how I feel about this place is that it's kind of like the scene in THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE when the kids enter from the wardrobe into a secret, hidden land. I feel like going to Mamaso is like going "into the bush" to a forgotten place and a hiden people. I cannot get the faces and living conditions out of my mind and heart.

Stephen's dad spent most of his time in later years in Mamaso, his home. It was dear to him. The kids would prod at him to come into the city (where he also had a home) where life was easier, but he was just happy back at "home" in the village.

It meant a lot to me to take my kids to Papa's village. To Papa's house. To play in Papa's courtyard where he used to sit and visit with others. I know it'd mean the world to him to know that his grandkids from the U.S. came to his place, met his friends and family, and saw what meant so much to him--- his village.

It was painful to stop at his grave along the road leading to the village. We placed flowers there and said "good-bye". It hurt. That was not the way I'd wanted my kids to meet their grandpa, the man that one of our twins got his name from. Oh, how hard it was to think about how he was buried there and we were just too late.... we brought our kids too late. :( But, what could we have done? I had given birth to three babies in 3 1/2 years and then got cancer. We just didn't have the money to go, and the right timing hadn't worked out when he was alive.

It somehow gives me comfort to know that we honored Papa by going to his village, even if we were late. He wasn't there to proudly introduce his grandkids to his friends and family, and to show us around, but we still went--- and we met them--- and we saw what was special to him. We touched his cocoa beans that were laying drying in the sun. (He was a cocoa farmer.) We met his elderly brother and so many relatives from his home. We went to see Papa--- we went to say "good-bye". And, the children ran around and played in front of his room. Papa, we came. Papa, we love you. Papa, we miss you. :-(

While in Mamaso, we also met several of Stephen's mom's relatives. We met four surviving elderly siblings--- two sisters and two brothers. I am still "crying inside" about their living conditions. I can't get out of my mind how thin one uncle is--- skin and bones, and so old. He and his wife, both worn from difficult lives without conveniences, were sitting outside while their evening meal cooked in a small pot over a fire. I can't explain it, but their affects were flat--- they looked worn from life. Oh, how I wish I had the means to make their last years more comfortable for them.

Another uncle lives in a very run down home with live animals in little partitions connected to the home. The conditions are so bad and dirty. He's an educated man--- a school teacher in the village---but life is hard there and pay is little. It was an honor to meet him--- I know his daughter who is a lovely young woman. He made the sacrafice of sending her to live with family in the city when she was young so she could have a better life.

I met Aunt Alice--- worn from a hard life, but so full of humor. She has a special place in my heart. And, I met another aunt who was tall and friendly. She seemed to be the most physically strong of the surviving siblings.

We met many cousins, including a set of six year old twin girls. Well, my twin boys never knew they had distant twin cousins in a far-away village in Africa! :)

The kids had quite a following in the village--- a whole bunch of children. My kids took balloons and lollipops to hand out to the children there. What a precious sight that was!

We saw hardworking people making palm oil in heavy, large kettles in very poor working conditions. My husband had spent a week in the village at the time of the funeral and was disheartened to see the dangerous conditions surrounding the palm oil business. He was so worried that the barefoot workers would slip on the oil covered ground and slide under the hot pots -- getting burned by the fires. He gave a cousin money to buy three pairs of shoes for the workers.

I think that the sights, people and smells of Mamaso are forever etched in my mind. I ask God "WHAT can I do for the people in Mamaso? What do I have to offer? I have no money. I don't have any idea what a stay-at-home mom with an associates degree and no financial excess can do. " But, I WANT to help. I am praying for God to show me HOW I can help. I want to go back there. And, I don't want to go empty handed. I want to go with clothing, vitamins, and other necessities such as SOAP and TOILET PAPER. I would LOVE to be able to have a well drilled in a central location for Stephen's four elderly aunts and uncles (his mom's siblings). I can't stand to think of how far they may have to walk to get water. And, even worse...they have to walk to use the toilet "in the bush". I wish I could provide camp toilets and chemicals, or better yet, have regular flushes installed. These dear people have NEVER known what it's like to have some of the small conveniences that we take for granted--- such as the ease of washing our hands at the sink. I would like to conduct a children's "good news" type gathering with my husband and listen to him teach them about the love of Jesus in his language. I would like these people to know that they have HOPE in God--- and that life on earth may be hard, but there is peace and rest in Jesus, and that the comforts of heaven are theirs to claim.

Often, as I go about my busy work in the home with all of the luxuries I have in my lower middle class home (which is more than adequate for me) , my thoughts drift back to Mamaso--- I "see" the people sitting outside in the dark with only the light of their wood or charcoal fires--- cooling off in the evening air after a long, hot day, before turning in for the night to get up and surviving admist difficult living conditions--- hoping for better days. My prayers are with them.

So, that's my account of our trip to Ghana. It was filled with challenges and emotion. I've left out a lot of things--- like going from church to church with the family (dressed in matching fabric which meant "We've lost our mother or father and it's left a vacuum inside of us.") to say "thank you" to each congregation for their help and support for the funeral. And, the one week funeral celebration that we attended in Mamaso--- a heartbreaking situation--- a young woman had lost her dad and then her mom, and she had a newborn baby. She didn't have the financial means for an elaborate funeral, and she was doing the best she could to honor her mom. I hugged her as tears ran down her face. I could share and share and share...

... a piece of each of us remains in Ghana as we go about our routines here at home.