Three weeks after radiation treatments came to an end...
I'm feeling stronger as the days go by-- just get tired easily by mid-afternoon. It seems like it's been so much longer than three weeks since treatment ended.
My hair is growing, but ever so slowly. Several times per day I find myself reaching to the back of my neck to feel for my hair, but of course, it's not quite there yet.
It's been so crazy since we were starting to "wrap up cancer"--- Stephen's Dad died, then my dad was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia...
...my sister and her husband have been in Maine for about a week to assist my parents with Dad's care since his early release from the hospital last weekend. His health condition is not good. Due to congestive heart failure, he is weak and unable to be very mobile. He spends most of his days bundled up on the couch, and understandably, he's discouraged. His care is too much for Mom, so we're just not sure what's going to take place in the coming weeks and months.
Meanwhile, we're trying to make a decision within the next few days about whether or not the children and I should travel to Ghana in late March and April with Stephen for his father's funeral. He wasn't wanting to take us, because he knows that he is going to be very busy with funeral related errands, and then with his responsibilities over the course of about a four day period when there will be funeral events and meetings following. He has worried about leaving us in a home in Ghana while he's away for some days in the village, because I don't know the language, etc.
I'm torn, because I know it would be incredibly hard to take the children on a long trip like that, as well as to manage without a washing machine, worry about malaria and other diseases, seeking out foods that we're used to that I can prepare for the children, trying to keep the kids from ingesting tap water, etc. The family home will be very crowded with guests---and is already full with people who live there. I don't want to be a burden to my husband's family by taking up space and needing to shop for bottled water and special food.
This is a VERY HARD decision to make. I've checked with the school and it should be okay for the kids to miss a few weeks. I've found great flight schedules (overnight so the kids can sleep) and relatively good airfare. Those are positives. I'll check with my oncologist on Monday about whether or not I should be traveling to a third world country so soon after treatment, and if I can safely get my Typhoid booster.
Another positive would be for the children to get to meet their grandmother. It's a huge, painful disappointment that they didn't get to meet their grandfather before he passed. And, there are lots of other relatives the kids could meet.
I don't like the idea of my family being so far apart for three weeks---us here, Stephen there. Yet, Kaylee's break is also at the time of our travel and the kids and I would miss seeing her if we were to go to Ghana.
Tyler and Kanaho will be in Japan during some of that time, and Kaylee will be at school. So, this causes me to worry about being on my own with the three kids in our home while my entire family is away.
Another thing I'm worried about is my father's health while I'd be away... what if something happens?
And, of course, another BIG concern is finances. Should we all go, we'll have a financial set-back, unless God provides a miracle. I guess this is where it lies--- I've been praying and asking God to make it clear to us if the kids and I should go. He knows best.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Snow Day
It's almost mid-January now. It's amazing how quickly the days since radiation treatment ended seem to be flying by, yet during treatment they seemed to drag a bit. Interesting.
Life changes seem to continue---one thing happens, and then another. I'm reflecting back over the past several weeks as well as the past few years. It seems as though one life challenge is overcome and after a brief reprieve another one presents itself. I'm remembering the year I found out that I was expecting Kathryn... my dog of 10 years had to be put to sleep. Three days later I found out that baby number five was on its way. Then, my dad had quardruple by-pass surgery and heart valve repair the following month. Two months later, on the very day that we found out I was having a girl, my oldest child called me in complete dispair--- he'd been involved in a terrible car accident in which a pedestrian was involved. He desperately wanted me to fly to Florida to be with him, but I couldn't leave my then two year old twins to travel. I felt incredibly torn as a mom. A few more months down the road I was put on hospital bed rest in my eighth month of pregnancy. We had to reply completely on the Lord to provide childcare for the twins, because my husband could not miss work for those couple of weeks. And, it seems life has kind of continued like this ever since then, and it was the same before. And, having cancer sure was a "major" unexpected event for us, and now, of course, we've just lost my husband's father and my dad is not well in the hospital.
How do we bear up under the stresses and pressures in this world? I can honestly say that I could NOT survive challenge upon challenge, disappointment upon disappointment, and stress upon stress without my faith in God. He provides comfort, hope and a never-ending supply of mercy and grace. Without Him, what would life be like? Would there be a sense of hope? Would there be an expectation of everything just ending some day and that would be it? Live life large and it's over? Thank God, it doesn't have to be that way. Thank God, that there's a place in heaven that makes the very best things in this world seem insignificant compared to what He has for us there. And, no more cancer. No more dying. No more pain. No more broken relationships. There will be rest. There will be peace.
Kaylee heads back to college tomorrow. It's hard to believe that we're "there" already. It seems as though it's not been an entire year since she announced to us that she believed God was impressing upon her heart that she needed to take a year off from school. WOW!
The twins are feeling quite sad about her leaving, and it seems the baby has even picked up on the fact that change is coming. She's been a bit clingy to Kaylee today. It's another adjustment for our family. What's one more? Man, what a YEAR we have had.
I'm very concerned about my father's health. He's in the hospital with pneumonia, blood clots in his kidneys and congestive heart failure. It's difficult to know that he's struggling. He was always such a strong man who worked hard. I wish the Rapture would come soon--- very soon, and both of my parents would be able to experience that.
Well, we don't know what the future holds, but I do know change is coming. Kaylee's going back to school and upon graduation in May she'll get an apartment with friends. That will make two children out of the nest. :-( Stephen will travel to Ghana in late March and early April for his dad's funeral. I don't expect that the kids and I will be able to go (which I'm sad about) due to the expense of tickets, vaccines, visas, etc. I'm worried about managing on my own with the three little kids for as long as he'll be away. Tyler's family will also be traveling that month (to Japan), and Kaylee will be home for just a short amount of time during that period. I have to remember to not worry about "tomorrow" because God's got it all under control. Deep breath! :)
We're having a big snowstorm today which is kind of cool--- school was cancelled and that's enabled the boys to be home with their big sister for a full day before she leaves. A little gift from God?
Life changes seem to continue---one thing happens, and then another. I'm reflecting back over the past several weeks as well as the past few years. It seems as though one life challenge is overcome and after a brief reprieve another one presents itself. I'm remembering the year I found out that I was expecting Kathryn... my dog of 10 years had to be put to sleep. Three days later I found out that baby number five was on its way. Then, my dad had quardruple by-pass surgery and heart valve repair the following month. Two months later, on the very day that we found out I was having a girl, my oldest child called me in complete dispair--- he'd been involved in a terrible car accident in which a pedestrian was involved. He desperately wanted me to fly to Florida to be with him, but I couldn't leave my then two year old twins to travel. I felt incredibly torn as a mom. A few more months down the road I was put on hospital bed rest in my eighth month of pregnancy. We had to reply completely on the Lord to provide childcare for the twins, because my husband could not miss work for those couple of weeks. And, it seems life has kind of continued like this ever since then, and it was the same before. And, having cancer sure was a "major" unexpected event for us, and now, of course, we've just lost my husband's father and my dad is not well in the hospital.
How do we bear up under the stresses and pressures in this world? I can honestly say that I could NOT survive challenge upon challenge, disappointment upon disappointment, and stress upon stress without my faith in God. He provides comfort, hope and a never-ending supply of mercy and grace. Without Him, what would life be like? Would there be a sense of hope? Would there be an expectation of everything just ending some day and that would be it? Live life large and it's over? Thank God, it doesn't have to be that way. Thank God, that there's a place in heaven that makes the very best things in this world seem insignificant compared to what He has for us there. And, no more cancer. No more dying. No more pain. No more broken relationships. There will be rest. There will be peace.
Kaylee heads back to college tomorrow. It's hard to believe that we're "there" already. It seems as though it's not been an entire year since she announced to us that she believed God was impressing upon her heart that she needed to take a year off from school. WOW!
The twins are feeling quite sad about her leaving, and it seems the baby has even picked up on the fact that change is coming. She's been a bit clingy to Kaylee today. It's another adjustment for our family. What's one more? Man, what a YEAR we have had.
I'm very concerned about my father's health. He's in the hospital with pneumonia, blood clots in his kidneys and congestive heart failure. It's difficult to know that he's struggling. He was always such a strong man who worked hard. I wish the Rapture would come soon--- very soon, and both of my parents would be able to experience that.
Well, we don't know what the future holds, but I do know change is coming. Kaylee's going back to school and upon graduation in May she'll get an apartment with friends. That will make two children out of the nest. :-( Stephen will travel to Ghana in late March and early April for his dad's funeral. I don't expect that the kids and I will be able to go (which I'm sad about) due to the expense of tickets, vaccines, visas, etc. I'm worried about managing on my own with the three little kids for as long as he'll be away. Tyler's family will also be traveling that month (to Japan), and Kaylee will be home for just a short amount of time during that period. I have to remember to not worry about "tomorrow" because God's got it all under control. Deep breath! :)
We're having a big snowstorm today which is kind of cool--- school was cancelled and that's enabled the boys to be home with their big sister for a full day before she leaves. A little gift from God?
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