Oh my goodness! CHEMO BRAIN is a real thing.
I have just returned home from grocery shopping. TWICE while at the check out a clerk had to go back and retrieve items for me. The peanut butter I picked up was not the correct one--- and I would normally know which peanut butter we usually get! And, I used coupons for yogurt-- buy six, get one free. Guess who didn't get the FREE ones? :-) Now, WHO would forget their FREE items? Ha!
It gets better--- guess who packed a HAIRDRYER to bring to the motel this past weekend? Yep, hairless me! Now, one would think that TWO MONTHS after losing one's hair, one would know that a hairdryer is not a necessity. :-)
I could go on... but I won't. :-) I just hope this chemo brain clears up soon.
When at a luncheon for young women with breast cancer last week, three of us who are currently in treatment sat there and had our moments of memory strain. It was almost funny, but not really. It's actually very frustrating for us.
On a side note, it's very, very nice to be feeling better these days. I can't say I feel good or great, but I feel better. I get tired very easily, but it's wonderful to be free of nausea, chemotherapy and complete exhaustion from treatment.
Once better, I overdid it in the house. It's hard to slow down when you have three small children, though.
I've enjoyed being able to do much more of their care, the cooking, and routine household tasks again. Some days I almost forget that I'm missing my hair, waiting for surgery and fearing a recurrence.
While traveling this weekend, I was fatigued, but we had a good time overall. The coastal area that we visited is beautiful. The kids loved attending the Thomas the Train event at the train museum. Kathryn may be young yet, but she had just as much fun as the boys did! :-)
The ocean scenery was gorgeous... sail boats, speed boats, whale watching boats, fishing boats... (I'm starting to sound like Forrest Gump talking about all of the things you can make with shrimp!) :-) We stayed in an older motel, but it was kind of nostalgic. We could see the ocean from the room. The kids were brave and swam in the pool even though the air around us was cool enough to warrant wearing a jacket.
We had breakfast at a cute cafe. We ate out on the porch. One of the staff there came and asked me if I'm a survivor. It took m a moment to remember that this is what I am now. I gave her delayed "yes". She said that she's had chemotherapy THREE times and that she's going to have more surgery next month. Still weary from my own experience with ONE regimine of chemo, I put my head on my husband's shoulder and sighed. I can't imagine having a recurrence FOUR times. That poor lady! :-( I feel so sorry for her, and at the same time her story scares me.
Well, enough cancer talk. Kaylee and I are going to take the twins to the public pool tonight to swim with preschool friends and their moms. Life is going on around this cancer business.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Feeling GOOD Again
I am INCREDIBLY thankful and happy to be feeling fairly good today. What a blessing!!
I swept, vacuumed, did dishes, picked up the basement toy room, etc. today and it seemed like a priviledge to do those normally mundance chores. Ha!
The twins went to their sports program and swim lessons with Kaylee this morning, and Kathryn enjoyed some time alone with mommy and daddy. I put on a musical CD that my sister had given to Sam for his birthday and she just LOVES that. She could dance and listen without brothers bothering her. :-)
I went to a luncheon today for young women with breast cancer (or for those who've had it) and my niece came, too. We had a good time. It's nice to be able to spend some time with others who have "been there" or know some of the issues one faces while in treatment for this disease. I can't explain it, but anyone else would know what it's like to link up with someone else who shares a common denominator of sorts.
I just wanted to make an entry to "shout out" my joy for finally feeling well again--- and for knowing that I don't have to experience chemo side effects in the near future. PHEW.
Prayer requests:
surgery decisions
my niece Sara who's in treatment for breast cancer
the couple who needs prayer regarding their family
I swept, vacuumed, did dishes, picked up the basement toy room, etc. today and it seemed like a priviledge to do those normally mundance chores. Ha!
The twins went to their sports program and swim lessons with Kaylee this morning, and Kathryn enjoyed some time alone with mommy and daddy. I put on a musical CD that my sister had given to Sam for his birthday and she just LOVES that. She could dance and listen without brothers bothering her. :-)
I went to a luncheon today for young women with breast cancer (or for those who've had it) and my niece came, too. We had a good time. It's nice to be able to spend some time with others who have "been there" or know some of the issues one faces while in treatment for this disease. I can't explain it, but anyone else would know what it's like to link up with someone else who shares a common denominator of sorts.
I just wanted to make an entry to "shout out" my joy for finally feeling well again--- and for knowing that I don't have to experience chemo side effects in the near future. PHEW.
Prayer requests:
surgery decisions
my niece Sara who's in treatment for breast cancer
the couple who needs prayer regarding their family
Monday, August 9, 2010
Five Days Out From Final Chemo
It's five days out from the final chemo and I'm muddling through the side effects while looking forward to putting this all behind me.
The bone pain this time is located in the back of my head and neck, in the sides of my neck and in my shoulder blades. The Neulasta shot must be hard at work--- stimulating the bone marrow to produce the white cells.
My stomach is "off" this time. After chemo, I've had to take four days worth of steroids that supposedly combat nausea. The problem is, they make you feel super hungry and you eat like a horse! Now that those "steroid days" are over, my stomach is way overloaded and blah. I hope this passes today! The steroids also really messed with my ability to sleep well for the past several nights. Yawn!
I keep telling myself--- this is "it"... after these effects are overwith, I'll slowly and steadily begin to feel human again.... and not have to face chemo anymore.
I'm VERY anxious to pack up all of the information and paperwork I've been given and have collected about breast cancer, chemo, etc. I have tons of it in a corner in my room and it needs to GO. I'm so TIRED of this ordeal. Today, I'm going to ask my husband to pack it and put it somewhere else for now. I am not ready to sort through it.
As awful as this "season" of my life has been in ways, it's also been a learning experience in many, many ways. And, Stephen and I were looking back over the summer yesterday and realize that THIS SUMMER ("cancer summer") we have done lots of fun things as a family. We've probably done more this summer than any other summer. It was important to us to keep life as normal as possible for the kids. They've really had a good time:
Zoo
Chuck E. Cheese (more than once)
Beach
Trip to Grandma's (including sleepover---first one ever--- at aunt's)
Three hotel/swimming pool weekends
A visit from Auntie Margaret from Ghana
Vacation Bible School
Swim Lessons
Recreation Department Preschool Sports
Birthday Parties
Their Own Birthday Party (two of them!)
A Teddy Bear Picnic (Rec. Dept. Function)
Swimming Outing with Teacher
Playground Visits with Kaylee
There must be more! :-) And, this coming weekend, we plan to go to a Thomas the Train event and a hotel stay.
There's a lot to be thankful for ---- I'm hoping for a good, quick recovery from chemo, as I want to be able to help others a bit before facing surgery. On the top of the list is to deliver a meal to the women from the group home at church who have cleaned weekly for me lately. Those girls have been a HUGE blessing! Their help has been a BIG DEAL to us.
Well, ... this sleepy woman is going back to bed for a bit.
Prayer requests:
Speedy recovery from chemo
Surgery decisions that need to be made soon
The couple I've mentioned in my blog--- lots of prayer needed
My niece who is in treatment for breast cancer--- and her family
The bone pain this time is located in the back of my head and neck, in the sides of my neck and in my shoulder blades. The Neulasta shot must be hard at work--- stimulating the bone marrow to produce the white cells.
My stomach is "off" this time. After chemo, I've had to take four days worth of steroids that supposedly combat nausea. The problem is, they make you feel super hungry and you eat like a horse! Now that those "steroid days" are over, my stomach is way overloaded and blah. I hope this passes today! The steroids also really messed with my ability to sleep well for the past several nights. Yawn!
I keep telling myself--- this is "it"... after these effects are overwith, I'll slowly and steadily begin to feel human again.... and not have to face chemo anymore.
I'm VERY anxious to pack up all of the information and paperwork I've been given and have collected about breast cancer, chemo, etc. I have tons of it in a corner in my room and it needs to GO. I'm so TIRED of this ordeal. Today, I'm going to ask my husband to pack it and put it somewhere else for now. I am not ready to sort through it.
As awful as this "season" of my life has been in ways, it's also been a learning experience in many, many ways. And, Stephen and I were looking back over the summer yesterday and realize that THIS SUMMER ("cancer summer") we have done lots of fun things as a family. We've probably done more this summer than any other summer. It was important to us to keep life as normal as possible for the kids. They've really had a good time:
Zoo
Chuck E. Cheese (more than once)
Beach
Trip to Grandma's (including sleepover---first one ever--- at aunt's)
Three hotel/swimming pool weekends
A visit from Auntie Margaret from Ghana
Vacation Bible School
Swim Lessons
Recreation Department Preschool Sports
Birthday Parties
Their Own Birthday Party (two of them!)
A Teddy Bear Picnic (Rec. Dept. Function)
Swimming Outing with Teacher
Playground Visits with Kaylee
There must be more! :-) And, this coming weekend, we plan to go to a Thomas the Train event and a hotel stay.
There's a lot to be thankful for ---- I'm hoping for a good, quick recovery from chemo, as I want to be able to help others a bit before facing surgery. On the top of the list is to deliver a meal to the women from the group home at church who have cleaned weekly for me lately. Those girls have been a HUGE blessing! Their help has been a BIG DEAL to us.
Well, ... this sleepy woman is going back to bed for a bit.
Prayer requests:
Speedy recovery from chemo
Surgery decisions that need to be made soon
The couple I've mentioned in my blog--- lots of prayer needed
My niece who is in treatment for breast cancer--- and her family
Friday, August 6, 2010
FINAL CHEMO TREATMENT DONE!
Hip Hip Hooray! The final chemotherapy treatment was on Wednesday, August 4th, and the final Neulasta injection on the 5th. DONE, DONE, DONE! I'm sooo thankful that this part of my treatment is OVERWITH.
Now, to get through the final round of side effects. Since that was my last cycle I'm ready to move forward and have a thousand ambitions swarming through my mind, but... of course, they'll have to wait until I'm feeling better. It's hard to wait! :-)
I'm thinking--- 85th birthday party for my father in early Sept., walking in the Susan Komen Race for the Cure and attending the breast cancer support group retreat in Sept., having friends over for a meal to thank them for the weekly meals they've provided throughout treatment (we've been so anxious to get together!), helping my niece through her treatment, planning something fun for my husband's birthday as well as his vacation week in October. The twins will start kindergarten on Aug. 30th and I want to do fun things with them as well as school shop. I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD WITH MY LIFE.
However, surgery decisions will need to be made in the coming weeks. I'll meet with my oncologist again in three weeks and my surgeon on Aug. 31st. I'm leaning toward requesting a mastectomy as to just have peace of mind regarding all that I've been through and disliking that "traitor" breast--- and fearing a local recurrance in that breast, of course. However, that would involve reconstructive surgery, having drains to tend to, etc. Please pray for wisdom in decision making for me. I'll ask to meet with a plastic surgeon to discuss options, as well. My general surgeon feels that I'm a good candidate for just having more tissue removed. THAT would be easier, but could I forgive myself for not having a mastectomy if I were to have a local recurrance in that breast? Hmmmm.
My oncologist DID present my "case" to experts from Dana Farber in Boston. On Wednesday she told me that one of the doctors felt that this last cycle of chemo would be sufficient, given my low Oncotype DX score (the genetic testing done on my tumor when sent out of state) --- that reading suggested that I have a 15% chance of having a recurrance of breast cancer. The score is low enough that if I'd not had node involvement, I'd not have needed chemo at all.
The other doctor who gave input felt that I should have FOUR cycles of AC, rather than three, as that's 'protocol'. But, they reached a general concensus that my initial treatment with TC and the added three cycles of AC (along with the extra Cytoxan treatment I got) should be enough.
There is even a question if chemotherapy will benefit me at all. It's a gamble. My cancer is very slow growing and the Oncotype Dx score is reassuring. But, because not enough information is available for women with postive (cancerous) nodes and the Oncotype DX testing--- we (doctor and I) felt it was best to go ahead with chemo to get any potential benefit from it that I could.
The oncologist normally waits til radiation time to start patients on Tamoxifen (sp?), but she wants to start me on it soon. It's a hormone cancer drug that I'll be taking (pill form) for 5-10 years. Tamoxifen can cause uterine cancer and blood clots, as well as menopause like symptoms (not fun). Once I have passed through menopause, I can switch to Arimidex (sp?) which has less threatening side effects.
Please pray that God will protect me from serious side effects from the chemo and the hormone cancer drugs. The chemo drug Adriamycin can cause leukemia. :-/
I've been dealing with a side effect of chemo called "chemo brain". It causes forgetfulness. It can be frustrating. I put a container of ice cream on top of the refridgerator yesterday and forgot it. I forget to turn off stove burners, etc. It usually clears up about 10-12 days after chemo.
I can tell that people are praying for me right now. Today should be a really lousy nausea day, but so far, it's manageable. I do a few things, drink gingerale, rest, and do things again. The biggie today is fatigue. I 've not slept all that well the past couple of nights.
We were able to get away for three days last weekend. WHAT A TREAT! We went to the southern part of the state and spent the night in a hotel with an indoor heated pool. My parents came with us, and the kids thought it was fun to swim with grandma. I was delighted to be able to swim, too, as when we went there in May, I'd had surgery and couldn't do it. I LOVE SWIMMING. (Side note: today, my oncologist signed a persmission form for me to be able to swim on Wednesdays with the breast cancer support group! YAY!)
While away we also visited with a special cousin and her husband. She spoiled us with yummy strawberry shortcake. We were happy to see them! We also ate out at a couple of buffets (American and Chinese). We shopped at a fun store where I bought some fall decorations and window boxes that hang on the sides of doorstep railings or decks. The kids got to play at Chuck E. Cheese and we bumped into my niece and her family there. FUN!
We also went to Cambridge to say good-bye to Stephen's sister Margaret who was leaving for Ghana the next day. That was a long....drive and a LONG...drive for me, as I wasn't quite up to it. Stephen drove us back to the hotel, though, and stayed overnight and brought us home the next evening.
The night before we went home the brakes in my dad's vehicle went metal to metal. (Thank God He kept us all safe anytimewe were on the highway and traveling around the city in that vehicle! We had two cars with us.) We had to fix the brakes the final day before coming home.
One of the things I was feeling bad about giving up this summer was making a perenial garden in front of our house. Well,, Stephen and i were able to pick up some plants on clearance the other day to at least make a start. :-) We REALLY should use a rotatillar as the soil is so hard packed, but we don't have one. But, we're just mixing in potting soil and those little white foam-like balls into it to see if that will help for this year. I can't tell you how much JOY it's giving me to be able to do SOMETHING out there before the summer ends. :-) We also put some mums in our new window boxes. YAY! A relative made this possible by giving me a bit of money to spend on anything I'd like, and I am thankful to her. These perenials will come up year after year (I hope) and they'll be a reminder of her kindness.
Speaking of relatives, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue to pray for my niece as she goes through treatment this summer. Her last chemo was postponed due to low blood counts. She's having a really hard time with side effects and has what seems like a long road ahead. Her name is Sara. Please put her on your daily prayer list. Thank you!
Now, to get through the final round of side effects. Since that was my last cycle I'm ready to move forward and have a thousand ambitions swarming through my mind, but... of course, they'll have to wait until I'm feeling better. It's hard to wait! :-)
I'm thinking--- 85th birthday party for my father in early Sept., walking in the Susan Komen Race for the Cure and attending the breast cancer support group retreat in Sept., having friends over for a meal to thank them for the weekly meals they've provided throughout treatment (we've been so anxious to get together!), helping my niece through her treatment, planning something fun for my husband's birthday as well as his vacation week in October. The twins will start kindergarten on Aug. 30th and I want to do fun things with them as well as school shop. I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD WITH MY LIFE.
However, surgery decisions will need to be made in the coming weeks. I'll meet with my oncologist again in three weeks and my surgeon on Aug. 31st. I'm leaning toward requesting a mastectomy as to just have peace of mind regarding all that I've been through and disliking that "traitor" breast--- and fearing a local recurrance in that breast, of course. However, that would involve reconstructive surgery, having drains to tend to, etc. Please pray for wisdom in decision making for me. I'll ask to meet with a plastic surgeon to discuss options, as well. My general surgeon feels that I'm a good candidate for just having more tissue removed. THAT would be easier, but could I forgive myself for not having a mastectomy if I were to have a local recurrance in that breast? Hmmmm.
My oncologist DID present my "case" to experts from Dana Farber in Boston. On Wednesday she told me that one of the doctors felt that this last cycle of chemo would be sufficient, given my low Oncotype DX score (the genetic testing done on my tumor when sent out of state) --- that reading suggested that I have a 15% chance of having a recurrance of breast cancer. The score is low enough that if I'd not had node involvement, I'd not have needed chemo at all.
The other doctor who gave input felt that I should have FOUR cycles of AC, rather than three, as that's 'protocol'. But, they reached a general concensus that my initial treatment with TC and the added three cycles of AC (along with the extra Cytoxan treatment I got) should be enough.
There is even a question if chemotherapy will benefit me at all. It's a gamble. My cancer is very slow growing and the Oncotype Dx score is reassuring. But, because not enough information is available for women with postive (cancerous) nodes and the Oncotype DX testing--- we (doctor and I) felt it was best to go ahead with chemo to get any potential benefit from it that I could.
The oncologist normally waits til radiation time to start patients on Tamoxifen (sp?), but she wants to start me on it soon. It's a hormone cancer drug that I'll be taking (pill form) for 5-10 years. Tamoxifen can cause uterine cancer and blood clots, as well as menopause like symptoms (not fun). Once I have passed through menopause, I can switch to Arimidex (sp?) which has less threatening side effects.
Please pray that God will protect me from serious side effects from the chemo and the hormone cancer drugs. The chemo drug Adriamycin can cause leukemia. :-/
I've been dealing with a side effect of chemo called "chemo brain". It causes forgetfulness. It can be frustrating. I put a container of ice cream on top of the refridgerator yesterday and forgot it. I forget to turn off stove burners, etc. It usually clears up about 10-12 days after chemo.
I can tell that people are praying for me right now. Today should be a really lousy nausea day, but so far, it's manageable. I do a few things, drink gingerale, rest, and do things again. The biggie today is fatigue. I 've not slept all that well the past couple of nights.
We were able to get away for three days last weekend. WHAT A TREAT! We went to the southern part of the state and spent the night in a hotel with an indoor heated pool. My parents came with us, and the kids thought it was fun to swim with grandma. I was delighted to be able to swim, too, as when we went there in May, I'd had surgery and couldn't do it. I LOVE SWIMMING. (Side note: today, my oncologist signed a persmission form for me to be able to swim on Wednesdays with the breast cancer support group! YAY!)
While away we also visited with a special cousin and her husband. She spoiled us with yummy strawberry shortcake. We were happy to see them! We also ate out at a couple of buffets (American and Chinese). We shopped at a fun store where I bought some fall decorations and window boxes that hang on the sides of doorstep railings or decks. The kids got to play at Chuck E. Cheese and we bumped into my niece and her family there. FUN!
We also went to Cambridge to say good-bye to Stephen's sister Margaret who was leaving for Ghana the next day. That was a long....drive and a LONG...drive for me, as I wasn't quite up to it. Stephen drove us back to the hotel, though, and stayed overnight and brought us home the next evening.
The night before we went home the brakes in my dad's vehicle went metal to metal. (Thank God He kept us all safe anytimewe were on the highway and traveling around the city in that vehicle! We had two cars with us.) We had to fix the brakes the final day before coming home.
One of the things I was feeling bad about giving up this summer was making a perenial garden in front of our house. Well,, Stephen and i were able to pick up some plants on clearance the other day to at least make a start. :-) We REALLY should use a rotatillar as the soil is so hard packed, but we don't have one. But, we're just mixing in potting soil and those little white foam-like balls into it to see if that will help for this year. I can't tell you how much JOY it's giving me to be able to do SOMETHING out there before the summer ends. :-) We also put some mums in our new window boxes. YAY! A relative made this possible by giving me a bit of money to spend on anything I'd like, and I am thankful to her. These perenials will come up year after year (I hope) and they'll be a reminder of her kindness.
Speaking of relatives, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue to pray for my niece as she goes through treatment this summer. Her last chemo was postponed due to low blood counts. She's having a really hard time with side effects and has what seems like a long road ahead. Her name is Sara. Please put her on your daily prayer list. Thank you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)