Two months post-radiation and seven months post-chemo--- still quite fatigued and trying to adjust to that aspect of my "new normal". I usually do quite well in the mornings, but by afternoon I'm worn out. Hoping this improves with time.
White cell counts were still a bit low when tested on Valentine's Day, but neutrophils were getting back into the normal range. That's what the doctor was concerned with.
My hair is still growing at a slow, steady pace. I continue to have a love-hate relationship with my hair at this stage. It's quite short and I'm just not used to it. So many people have commented that they love my hair and that I should keep it this way. That is encouraging, but I guess I'm looking to have it more like it used to be--- a sense of normal.
The date for my first mammogram since the diagnostic one (my first one ever) is March 14th. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I'm getting nervous about it. I guess it just feels like the mammogram I had last year "caused" my cancer somehow... it's what brought it to our attention. In all actuality, it saved my life. If it weren't for that test, my cancer would be growing and spreading without my knowledge. Yet, that mammogram was what marked the beginning of a year of upheavel in my life.
I'd read that some women diagnosed with breast cancer blame their doctors, or some other healthcare provider, for their cancer. Now, logically, we know they didn't cause it. However, we associate the people involved with the diagnosis with the nightmare that breast cancer brings to our lives. So, with all that in mind, I am HOPING that the woman who did my mammogram (as well as the additonal pictures) is NOT the person who will run my test this time around. I DO associate her with my cancer. She was nice, for sure, but it's just a strange dynamic of this experience... I guess that seeing her again would cause me to relive that awful day when she clued me in that something wasn't quite right with my "pictures".
I've also read that some women cannot sleep the night before their mammograms... I hope this isn't the case for me. I hope that I can find a way to approach this appointment without fear and anxiety. I'm so afraid that the doctors will find another lump. This is a real catch 22--- it would be totally nuts to not get a mammogram (given that early detection saves lives), but I wish I didn't have to do this again so soon.
At the same time, I cannot believe it's been a FULL YEAR... since "D" day. DIAGNOSIS DAY.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Wow, what a year it's been. Of course you have a lot of mixed feelings. When we lost Arden's twin, but needed to go in every month for the remainder of the pregnancy to make sure he was okay, I went through all those awful feelings each time - even though, as you say, the tests are necessary to make sure that everything is healthy. You keep on taking such good care, Kelli, and don't forget how many good thoughts are behind you all the time. Let me know if you'd like to talk or anything.
ReplyDelete