Radiation Treatements 1 and 2

I had my second radiation treatment today. This radiation business is truly a different experience from chemotherapy.

It's been a very emotional thing, and I have been surprised by that. Both days that I've gone for treatment, I've found myself in tears on the way to the cancer care facility. I wasn't prepared for this type of reaction. I had thought all along that radiation would be much easier than chemo.

The first day that I went for radiation had been a bad one from the get-go. Little things kept going wrong, making a day that was to be a rather restful, casual one a stressful time instead. I realize now that I would have tolerated those frustrations much better had I not been subconsciously so worried about starting more treatment.

By the end of the day I was so wiped out that I couldn't watch my grandbaby while his parents worked. Thankfully, Kaylee was willing and able to take care of him, and Stephen helped with our three children so I could get some rest. I'm finding that I'm not up to babysitting him as much nowadays and it's been very hard to break that news to my daughter-in-law. I feel badly about this, but the truth of the matter is that it's just too much right now while in treatment and while still recovering from chemo. I'm really recognizing my limits now.

When Stephen and I arrived at the facility for my first treatment, we were told that I'd be using machine number one and that we should go to waiting room number one after I changed my clothes. We went to the changing room where I nervously changed. I didn't know what to expect and was quite anxious. My husband has been wonderful through this whole thing, by the way. He doesn't even blink an eye about jumping into the car and going with me to every appointment that he possibly can. He stays by my side--- even helps me in the changing room. Having him there offers so much comfort and support.

I've noticed that other people who are there for radiation come with someone--- usually a spouse. Today, I was really touched and saddened at the same time to see a very elderly couple trying to manage following the husband's treatment. The wife was hunched over and slowly moving as she aimed to provide support and care to her husband. She went to his locker and wanted to get his clothes for him. He, looking over her shoulder, offered to help with the key if she had trouble with it. I was so sorry to see folks at that stage of life having to face such a tough challenge such as cancer. They should be relaxing, resting and enjoying their time together---- not fighting this awful battle. :-(

I cannot stress enough how IMPORTANT it is to a cancer patient to have the steady, loving support of someone close to them.

Back to the first treatment--- my husband always sat beside me during chemo, but for radiation, we have to part ways at the waiting room. For obvious reason (radiation!) he cannot be in the treatment room with me. So, going by myself to this "new adventure" was a bit unnerving. The workers were behind schedule by about an hour as there had been a malfunction with the equipment. So, my technicians were moving pretty quickly with things and I felt "in the dark" to a degree with what was taking place.

The first treatment is longer than the rest of them, because angles for the treatment need to be set up, the doctor has to check the angles the technicians establish, images are taken, etc. THEN, the actual treatment. I was confused as to what was going on at different points during the half hour or so that I was laying on that hard table and feeling chilled. I was greatly intimidated by the equipment.

I have to admit, I felt ANGRY to have to be there. I was scared and uncomfortable. I was upset to have to go through another type of treatment (it's been a LONG year), and I hated that I had to expose my body to radiation. When the treatment machine rotated over my upper body I wanted to tell it how much I hated it. :-)

But, I survived that first treatment, and I also managed to get through today's second one.

Something that Stephen and I have very quickly come to look forward to at the treatments is that we are enjoying chatting with some other people in our waiting area. (People tend to go at the same time every day for each of their treatments, so you get to see each other again and again.) We have met some really nice people. Coincidently, one couple is ALMOST related to me. :-) My husband discovered that while chatting with them during my first appointment. The patient's wife is my uncle's neice. They share the same faith as us, and they are two of the NICEST, FUNNIEST people we've ever met. We absolutely MUST keep in touch with them.

Another set of people we've already come to enjoy meeting up with is a woman (probably 50's) and her mom. The dear elderly mom bought a one way ticket from another state to come and be with her daugther during treatment. They live a good distance from the facility and spend the week days in our area. I gather that this is the second time around with cancer for her, and I'm sorry she has to experience this AGAIN. I can tell that she's struggling with what she's going through and my heart hurts for her. She's giving up going home (out of state) for the winter, because this horrible disease and the need for treatment are making it not possible. :-( I hate cancer!

Somehow, we cancer patients get through this thing together--- because we're bonded by this awful disease. As a friend who's also had cancer once told me- "It's an awful club to join, but you make some great friends through it." It's true. Cancer is isolating in that as much as others care and try to understand, it DOES separate one from the rest of society in ways, and only other cancer patients and their close caregivers can REALLY understand what it's like. So, there's something really special about giving and receiving support within the group of cancer patients and survivors. We need each other!

Well, two radiation treatments down and thirty-one to go!

If anyone still reads my ramblings, please continue to keep my niece in prayer as she also battles breast cancer. And, an update on the couple I'd asked prayer for--- they're doing very well! :-) Thank you for praying!