Twelve down and 21 to go! :-)

This week is "Appointment Week"! I have EIGHT appointments, but there's a nice Christmas party tucked into the middle of the schedule which will make it all okay. :-)

Today, Stephen and I met with the surgeon. He gave us some very reassuring and encouraging words. I felt a HUGE sense of relief when he told me that he'll be doing breast exams every 3-4 months for the next few years. Knowing that took a weight off of our shoulders. I could see the relief on Stephen's face as well.

As WONDERFUL as it is for treatment to come to an end, it's also a scary time for a cancer patient. You wonder "Who's going to check on me? What if cancer comes back and I don't detect it early enough?" I am SO thankful for this doctor. He is kind and understanding, and he takes his work seriously. He shows that he values the lives of his patients. I'm also grateful that my niece is under his care.

The doctor told us that as time goes on we'll be able to go about life again without thinking so much about cancer. He said that the day will come when it's not the first thing on our minds. I'm so looking forward to that day.

I sometimes anguish when making reference to the future, because I'm afraid to set myself up --- to look forward to something when fearing cancer will return and take my life. For example, if talking with Kaylee about "When the family grows, we'll do this or that for Christmas ..." Just after feeling happy about the idea, I'll feel a sense of sadness at the idea of maybe NOT being here for that experience. I really need deliverance from this burdened way of thinking, but I believe it will come with time and prayer.

We went for radiation treatment number twelve today. :-) And, this makes me think about something kind of funny. I'm one of those people who LOVES the little things so much that I find as much joy in those as I do something really big. Twelve has been my favorite number since I was about eight years old. Well, every time I go for a treatment and locker #12 is available in the changing area, I get so excited! :-)

The treatment was a bit long, because the technician (?) took weekly images, too. Man, it's hard to lay there for so long---without being able to move. There was an itch on my forehead that I couldn't scratch today. lol Torture! ;-)

I'd made a request at my very first treatment that I NOT have a male technician. (I have to lay there with my chest uncovered.) They told me that the male techs may balk at that and say it's discrimination since the doctors are males, but they said they'd note it in my chart. Well, today, a "new to me" technician set me up and handled the treatment and THAT was uncomfortable enough (having to show my body to yet another stranger), but I felt really "crushed" when leaving the treatment room and seeing that a male had run the computers in the control room. :-( The patient receiving treatment is viewed on a monitor in there during the entire treatment. I was really disheartened to learn that he'd seen me laying on the table. :-( My husband is very sweet---when I told him how that had made me feel he put his arm around me. That meant a lot to me.

The treatments are starting to "burn" my skin (as to be expected) and I'm REALLY feeling fatigued. I tire very easily and feel the need to cut back in any way I can. Stephen and I came home today and fell asleep to a boring movie on TV. :-) He's quite wiped out from working whacky holiday hours and he has a cold.

Well, speaking of fatigue, I'm ready to crash and rest.