14 Down and 19 to go!

Seven of eight appointments are overwith for the week--- just one to go tomorrow.

Today, I went to the eye doctor's office in the afternoon. As I sat in the exam chair, waiting for the doctor, I thought about how GOOD it was to be at an appointment that was NOT cancer related. The thought gave me a sense of normalcy. I didn't even mind the "air puff" test that I've always dreaded in the past. It didn't seem like much after all I've been through this past year.

Then, the doctor informed me that one of the pathways breast cancer can take when it spreads is the back of the eye. He wants me to come in within the next month to have my eyes dialated so he can examine my retinas. So much for my sense of normalcy at the eye doc's! I guess it's one more step to take in my cancer journey.

What a treat it was today to get in and out of treatment within a half hour. Usually, we wait at least a half hour as they always seem to be behind schedule. Stephen and I sneaked to Burger King afterward for a cheap lunch before coming home to rest for a bit in between appointments. :-) A lil' date.

Stephen and I met another person with terminal cancer again yesterday. Man, it's SO SAD--- we've now met two men who are in treatment just to get some "quality time". It breaks my heart. Both men have loving wives who are right by their sides. I'm so IMPRESSED by how faithfully supportive spouses are --- most folks come in "two's"--- the patient and a loved one, usually a spouse.

Our first couple of weeks at radiation were not too bad--- there were some "kind of family" members there who were just so outgoing and funny that they made the place seem light and comfortable. The husband has finished with treatment now, so we've been meeting new people along the way. Most of the time, the waiting room is very QUIET---people are somber. They're tired. Tired of cancer. Tired from commuting daily for treatment. Tired from radiation itself. Tired from caregiving. Tired of being a patient with life changing limitations. Sometimes I just start talking to someone and it doesn't seem to take long for smiles to come out and it's almost like a relief when the tension in the air is broken with a bit of friendly chatter. We're all looking for a sense of normalcy and enjoyment admist a difficult time in our lives. Surface talk is NORMAL and comfortable.

Yesterday, there was a Christmas party for the women from the local breast cancer support group. Sara, my niece, also attended. It was really nice to have that time with her, and it was a fun event. :-) It was inspiring to hear some of the older women say how long they've been survivors. One lady is a 38 year survivor!

We met an eight year survivor who was friendly toward us. I asked her about what it's like "down the road"... how long it takes to not think of cancer all of the time. She said that it takes a while. She took a job at the local breast cancer support organization for a few years after she'd completed treatment--- so she didn't get away from breast cancer right away. Personally, I think that I will NEED to get away from it for some time.

I am really looking forward to focussing on my children. I have hopes for this winter--- taking Kathryn to library story time, play gym, and hopefully making friends with some other mom's of two year olds so she can socialize more. I am anxious to have some "mommy and me" time with her. She's starting to talk so much and LOVES to learn. I want to teach her.

I'm also looking forward to quiet evenings with the twins when Stephen's working. Reading. Talking. Just enjoying hearing what they have to say. I want to be MOM --- not cancer patient mom who's always tired. I'd LOVE to get some children's snow shoes and a pair for myself (WHY did I sell mine a few years ago) and take the boys out snow shoeing. I'd also love to fulfill little Stephen's wish of going ice skating. We'd need skates (dummy me--- sold my skates, too! At least I've kept my XC skis! Ha!) So, if I can find a way to buy these things--- watch out winter, here we come!

And, maybe, FINALLY, I can take care of my husband and he can be done with being my "cancer caregiver". I used to try and surprise him by cooking his Ghanaian foods, make omlets for his breakfast, etc. more regularly. He's helped me so much this past year that I wonder if he'll be able to remember HOW to relax. He's been so good to me.

And... grandbaby Aloysius!! :0)

Speaking of the baby, he'll be coming tomorrow morning for a few hours. With that in mind, Grandma's going to get to bed and rest up. :-) Can't wait to see him!