Seven down and 26 to go!

I've now received seven radiation treatments and have 26 to go. The final one is scheduled for December 30th. I'm looking forward to welcoming 2011 with chemo and radiation behind me!

We continue to meet nice people at the radiation appointments. It's really hard to describe, but there's a real sense of "connection" between the patients. We all have this awful, disruptive (to life) disease called cancer. Ya' kind of feel like you've fallen off the beaten path and you're laying wounded in the ditch while life goes on for everyone else around you. Yet, there are others in the ditch--- others fighting cancer so they can climb back on the path and continue with their lives, too. We're struggling together, and sometimes even laughing together as we strive to beat this challenge.

Sadly, there are some you meet who will never climb back out of that ditch. I've met one. He's a very nice man who is always smiling at us since we met him last Monday when he was so nervous about having his first treatment. He must be in his 60's, and he and his wife are friendly people. Nearly a week ago, I was encouraging him about radiation--- what to expect, that it will be over before he knows it, etc. By the end of the week, I learned that he is dying. Just three weeks ago he was living a healthy life, or so he thought, and then he suddenly learned that he has a brain tumor and cancer on his lung and liver. They're now just trying to buy him some "quality time" by aiming to shrink his brain tumor. When his wife told me this yesterday, I just wanted to CRY. Cancer is so cruel! This man looks well! Yet, he's dying. I told his wife that they will be at the top of my prayer list. Please, if anyone still reads this blog, I would ask you to pray for them as well. I don't even know their first names--- but God knows.

It's unlikely I'll see this couple again, as my treatment time is changing as of Monday. I'll be going at 12:30 rather than at 2:30. I'll be meeting new people each day, until the following week when the time changes again. More people with cancer. More people hoping to live. More people who will die. It's very HARD to be in this "cancer club". While other folks seem to be going about their busy routines and thinking about "what next", some of us are thinking "Will we be here in a year? Do we dare to make plans for the future?"

Just yesterday when I was putting on my moisture and eye creams (which I've done since the age of 28, hoping to ward off wrinkles... Ha!), I thought "WHY am I bothering? I don't even know if I'm going to beat cancer." I shared this with my husband later in the morning and started crying. He hugged me and told me I'll be okay. This is an example of what the emotional aspect of having cancer is like.

Today, I met my husband at his work because I was there to do some shopping. I spotted some breast cancer awareness slippers and mentioned them to him. He said he'd also been looking at them and wanted to surprise me with a pair, but he didn't know if I want the reminder of my cancer. I told him that for now, it's okay---- if the purchase would benefit the cause, I'd like to have a pair. (Mine had holes in the soles!) The pair I picked out was the same design he'd wanted to buy for me. :-) Pretty, and PINK, of course! :-)

Yesterday, I also told my husband that I cannot remember life before cancer. I can't remember what it feels like to wake up in the morning and go about the day without thinking about my health or fearing this disease. I wish I could remember. And, I hope that the day comes when I can forget for a while--- even for a day. :-)

All of what I'm sharing is from my HUMAN feelings and perspective. Ultimately, I know God is always in control. Every once in a while I need a kick in the pants to bring that back to the forefront of my mind. :-) Like tonight--- home alone with the kids for the first time in a long time---and not feeling 100% well. I've had to pray my way through the evening routine, as it's been exhausting. :-) God is our source of strength, yet we so easily forget to rely on Him sometimes.

Prayer requests:

1. My seemingly unrelenting leg pain--- for healing. We're not sure what's causing it. Three doctor's have examined me.

2. The couple from radiation--- the husband is terminally ill

3. Kaylee as she prepares to go back to Bible school in Jan. (finances, adjustments for all of us, safe travels)

4. My niece Sara who is going to have breast surgery in early December and then go back into chemotherapy for eight weeks.