Ugh!

Ugh!

Here it is, Easter morning, and I feel "blah". It's ONLY emotion, and I do realize that. And, I'm remembering this morning that I don't normally have these emotional up's and down's, and that this is related to learning how to cope with and manage the news of this breast cancer diagnosis, as well as accepting the long road ahead to cure this cancer issue I have. I guess it's normal to feel overwhelmed. Who wouldn't? And, I believe that I am experiencing perimenopause at the same time that I'm dealing with breast cancer. That is a double whammy!

When I went to bed last night, I kept telling God "I just cannot believe this. I can't believe that I have breast cancer. " I didn't have any idea before the mammogram. I thought about how I've conducted my life like I'm going to live forever and have taken a lot of things for granted. This cancer business sure is an attention getter--- I'm looking through different lenses all of a sudden. NOTHING feels certain, other than my salvation. My faith.

I need to remember that I DO believe God can do anything. It's funny. I believe He CAN cure my cancer, so why is it so hard to remember that He cares about the emotional turmoil that dealing with cancer causes? He's there to be my comfort and strength even in the little things I struggle with each day (the discouragement, the dread of treatment, when I have bad dreams about cancer (like last night), etc. )

I'm thankful that through it all, He is STILL God--- even when my emotions overwhelm me. He is STILL GOD.