Meeting With the Surgeon

I wanted to write in yellow today, but it's too light to be easily read. Yellow and blue are my favorite colors, because yellow reminds me of sunny days and blue of beautiful skies on those sunny days.

This morning I took down the wonderful tropical beach themed decorations that Kaylee had put up for my surprise early birthday party on Saturday. I hated to remove them, because looking at them provided a virtual escape to a sunny paradise. Ahhh. We may be needing to get those back out in the coming weeks and months when I'm going through the cancer treatments and am feeling lousy!

Well, yesterday we met with the general surgeon who will perform the surgery to remove the tumor and a sampling of lymph nodes. I was feeling a bit aprehensive about switching to a male doctor because I'm usually more comfortable with female physicians. This doctor communicates very well that it didn't take long for Stephen and I to feel relaxed with him. Stephen was able to stay right by my side during the exam as well as the meeting to discuss EVERYTHING. It was no surprise to me, or to anyone else, that my blood pressure reading was 150/110 in the exam room. I guess if that didn't give away the fact that I was nervous, all of the red blotches breaking out on my neck would have. When Stephen and I had a few quiet moments alone in the room, I whispered to him "We said 'In sickness and in health', didn't we?" He assured me that we were in this thing together.

We learned that my doctor has had 25 years of experience and has been in this location for a year. He also has five children, so that meant a lot to me right away. Someone else who knows how it is to have a large family and how much a parent loves his/her kids. I showed him a photo of my children and daughter-in-law and told him this is a visual of what I have in my mind. He 'got" it.

I am not including the names or of any of my doctors, or other identifying information, because I feel it's a privacy issue.

The doctor explained things in general terms and of course we understand that things could change to a degree once we have concrete information after the tumor has been assessed. But, as it stands now, this is a likely scenario:

I will have CT scans of my bones, chest, admonimal and pelvic regions. These should show whether or not there are tumors in any other parts of my body. The doctor is suspecting that there are no other lumps.

I am to be deciding if I want to have a mastectomy or a lumpectomy (which would involve six weeks of radiation). I am leaning toward the lumpectomy, and my husband is also feeling that that is the best choice. The doctor will also take a sampling of one to six lymph nodes at the time of the surgery. They will be tested to see if the cancer has spread.

Once the tumor is out, it will be analyzed for different factors. I don't feel like listing those here today. But, the information gathered will allow the oncologist to make an appropriate treatment suggestion/plan.

The surgeon feels that it's likely that the oncologist will suggest chemotherapy as a precaution because I am young. (I am glad to hear someone refer to "40" as young. I've felt rather old lately!) :-)

The surgeon is quite confident that we can CURE this bout of breast cancer. He said we are going to attack it hard, like coming down on it with a sledgehammer. I say "Let's do it!"

He gave us helpful advice about how to speak to my grown kids as well as our little ones about what Mommy will experience. He also advised me how to handle "too much information" coming from well meaning individuals--- to manage that type of potential stress because I'm having enough stress aside from that.

He is willing to talk to my oldest children if they feel the need for that.

So far, the hardest part is that my elderly parents are so worried. I've tried to explain to them in concrete, step-by-step terms about what will happen. I think their worries are getting in the way so that they are not able to take a deep breath and look at things in a logical order. I'm thinking that if I map it out in a simple way that it will help them to have that visual. I don't think the stress that they're feeling is good for their own health. We need to find a way to alleviate the concern somehow.

I don't even think that Stephen and I have had the chance to process the reality that I have CANCER. We have been so busy going through the motions of following the steps (appointments, etc.) that we haven't had the time to just ABSORB it all. I'm not sure how we'll get the chance we need to do that, because we are sooooooooo busy with his working two jobs and the constant demands of meeting the needs of three children under the age of five years old! Writing this blog is really helping me, but he definitely needs a way to channel his thoughts and emotions, as well.

I've contacted a local breast cancer support group via email... I think that the more support systems we put in place the better. NO ONE and NO FAMILY should go through something like cancer without support.

When I woke up this morning I felt a sense of discouragement. I decided it'd be good to talk to God about it. I asked Him to give me strength for today. But, i still do not feel the need to ask him "Why?" this is occuring. Others close to me are asking that question, but i don't think it's going to help me to do that. I believe God has allowed this for a reason. I trust Him. I'm not walking through this independently of Him. He is leading me, He is holding my hand, and God never releases the protective grip He has on His children. Once we are His, we ARE His.

I want to gather up the Scripture verses different ones have shared with me over the past few days and put them together in a post. They'll be good to look back over as the journey with cancer gets tougher. And, it WILL get harder. The doctor said it's going to be very hard. But, tha we will come out on the other side of it.

We hit our first unexpected snag today. I thought that I'd be getting those CT scans ASAP. Well, there's a middle man preventing that. His name is INSURANCE COMPANY. We need approval from them before we can even begin to schedule anything. I expect that this is the first of many delays with the insurance company. My first feeling was UPSET. How can they take their time when my life is on the line? I pictured people sitting at desks pushing papers around with pencils, maybe sipping soda or doing text messages, doing a few approvals ... then leaving the office early to play golf... while patients are waiting for life saving procedures. But, I have to remember: GOD IS IN CONTROL. God can move those papers around quickly if He wants to. :-) I've known Him to move the hearts of men before, and He can move some papers if need be. :-)

So, with all this having been shared today... DEEP BREATHS...and off to tend to my crying, hungry baby who just woke up. She doesn't know cancer. She knows FOOD! :-)