Realiztion

March 20th, 2010

When I woke up this morning, it took a few minutes to feel oriented and then I realized--- it's TRUE, I DO have cancer. It's not a bad dream. The thing I love about sleeping is that when I'm asleep I forget about tough stuff for a while.

As I laid there, still feeling tired, I thought about the reality of this challenge I'm facing. There is NOTHING I can do about it. My life and health are 100% in God's hands. And, well, those are pretty safe hands to be resting in. He has walked me through a lot of trials in my life, some that seemed to just come my way, and others that I created for myself with the choices I made. Regardless, He has NEVER left my side, ever. He promises in his Word "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee."

I thought about the love, support and prayers of my friends and family, and how much they mean to me. An analogy came to mind. Those special people are like cheerleaders in my life. They're standing behind me, rooting for me, and cheering me on in this fight against cancer. They are on the sidelines offering encouragement...and they're THERE for me. Yet, at a certain point... I have to walk across a "line" where it's just me and God going the distance--- my hand is in His, and while my friends and family are standing behind me, my ultimate journey through this is with Him. He gave me life, He sustains my life, and in His timing, He'll take me home to Heaven.

But, my hope and prayer is to have more time with my children. I believe that God gave them to me as a gift and that He's given me the responsibilty of caring for them while they are young. I am praying to have the privilege of being there for them for a while longer. I don't want to miss out on the milestones in their lives... the birth of Tyler's baby, Kaylee's wedding and the birth of her first baby, the twins' first day of kindergarten, and Kathryn's first sentences and all that will occur in their lives in the next several years. My children!!!