Appointment with Oncologist

A very rough road awaits us... my family... me. We met with the oncologist and learned of my treatment plan today.

My tumor size is now considered greater than 1.8 cm because of the non-invasive cancer that pushed to the margins... now it's considered to an ADDITIONAL 1 mm in size. I'm still considered to have stage 2B cancer.

The nodes involvement puts me in a catagory warranting an AGGRESSIVE chemotherapy treatment plan.

For the first EIGHT weeks I'll have FOUR cycles of TWO chemotherapy drugs. This means I'll have two drugs via IV bi-weekly for eight weeks. It's going to "stink". I'm going to feel sick. The side effects are lousy. I'll have anti-nausea medicine to help combat that side effect, but there are others---- low blood cell count---bad stuff.

The day AFTER each chemo treatment I'll go back for a shot of medication that is designed to boost my white cell count.

After the first eight weeks of chemo, I'll begin a THIRD chemotherapy drug which will be injected WEEKLY for TWELVE weeks. This is a less harsh drug and will not cause as much nausea and will not cause such a drop in blood cell count.

I will experience COMPLETE HAIR LOSS for the five months, and then it will slowly grow back after the treatments stop. To this, I can only toss my hands in the air and scream, and then accept it. I hope to find head coverings that will make me feel like I still look like a woman.

AFTER the five complete months of chemo, I will then need a THIRD breast surgery--- either have more tissue removed, or have a mastectomy. If I have more tissue removed, I will then have SIX WEEKS of RADIATION treatments. If I have a mastectomy, I'll have a cruddy recovery and then plastic surgery to reconstruct the breast.

Once THIS stuff is out of the way, I'll be on hormone drug treatment for the following 5-10 years of my life--- another tool to combat breast cancer. I'll take one type of drug pre-menopause and then a different one after menopause. The chemo will likely put me through menopause. To this, I thank God that I was able to have Kathryn and the twins BEFORE finding out about this cancer. Had I found out earlier on, maybe it'd have not spread to my nodes, but I wouldn't have been able to have my babies.

It's VERY hard to have this cancer and treatment mess to deal with while having such busy young children, but I guess it's good they're young--- so they won't remember their mother having been sick. The boys may have vague memories, but Kathryn won't remember at all. And, THANK GOD for Kaylee's being home from college right now. I'm hoping that between her, Stephen and I, and Tyler and Kanaho (when possible), we can keep the kids feeling secure and having a sense of normalcy through this whole ordeal. They're not old enough to resent me for being sick. I think that if they were 10 or so, they'd resent that Mom is sick and can't do much fun stuff.

I am concerned that my elderly parents will be able to hold up under this. I hope the stress won't put them behind health-wise. I only want them to visit me on the "good days" during treament as to not see me on the sick days. The sick days will most likely be the first three days of the chemo cycle each time.

Well, so much to think about.

I'll attend "chemo class" on Monday to learn about the in's and out's of that.

On Friday (this week), I'll see the surgeon for him to check my healing and drain. He'll set up surgery for next week for me to get a chemo port inserted in my chest.

In two weeks, I'll see my oncologist again for her to check my healing and set up a start date for chemotherapy.

God, help us! It's been a HARD thing to swallow and it was very hard to go through the motions at the oncologist's today. I feel like my feet keep taking me to these appiontments and surgeries and my body just follows in obedience. Otherwise, it's just surreal. I stood in the cancer facility today at one of the little treatment rooms and asked Stephen "Are we REALLY HERE?"

I couldn't get out of bed this morning before crying and praying to God-- asking for Him to help Stephen and I. I really feel I can't do this in my own strength. It is a HUGE overload.

On a side note, little Aloysius is doing well. He's gained some weight and his ultrasounds results are good. His parents are having some real financial burdens at the moment which I feel so sorry about. I wish I could help them, but God knows their needs. At least we have that little baby to bring us all some joy amidst hard times. :0) A gift from God.