UPDATE

We've had so many medical phone calls and appointments that we were thankful for a quiet weekend away from those things. However, I caught the stomach bug that my three little ones have taken turns getting.

My echocardiogram and port surgery scheduled for today have been postponed due to my stomach virus, and I feel that this is a blessing in disguise. Things have been happening so fast that the surgery would have been "too much too soon" for me.

The echocardiogram has been rescheduled for the 2oth and the port surgery for the 24th. Chemo will begin on May 25th.

We have a lot of appointments lined up for this week. The good news is that my incisions are healing and I'm feeling I can do a bit more physically. I made beds thi morning without a lot of discomfort.

Right now, we're trying to work out the in's and out's of who's taking leave from work when and who's doing what in our home. We could use some prayer in sorting all of this out.

I had a couple of really disturbing dreams last night that I think symbolize just how emotional having cancer can be.

In my overall dream, my husband and I were struggling to get home from Boston by car and by foot. We encountered numerous challenges along the way. In different parts of that journey, some of my kids would become involved. At one point, it was just Kathryn (my baby) and I walking along and we came across an ampitheater (Sp?) The center had beautiful green grass and Jesus was standing in the center in a white robe. I grabbed Kathryn's hand (she was older in my dream- about three) and told her to RUN with me. We were running and running and Jesus was chasing us. Eventually, he let me go. HOW WEIRD that dream was, but I know that it was from my strong desire to be allowed to live long enough to raise the three little ones--- to see my baby through til adulthood. I don't want to leave them yet, as wonderful as it would be to go home to heaven and leave this world behind.

The dream continued and my oldest son entered in at some point. He, my husband and I were stranded somewhere between Boston and home and we couldn't find a place to sleep. We stayed in a water treatment facility, sleeping on the floor. As if my son (now 24) were young again, I walked with him to a gift shop and offered to buy gingerbread cookies and candy for him. I was "taking care of him".

Then, at some point, we were home and my oldest daughter (20) wanted to go to a beach that is close to her grandparents' town. She wanted to go sooo badly, so I took her there and brought my baby girl along. I waded into the water with Kathryn and noticed that lots of little girls had lost their footing where the bottom of the ocean dropped off and had drowned. It was gross--- little girls were all over the bottom of the ocean. I was desperately trying to carry Kathryn and swim to shore, to save her.

Again, it's all about not wanting my cancer to take me away from caring for my children. It's very painful and emotional to think about the possibility of dying and leaving behind my children. Prayers for peace would be helpful. :-)